If you're looking for a new weight-loss plan, I inadvertantly discovered what may be the most effective inhibitor of calories yesterday. If you follow my simple 2-step plan, you will be on your way to a newer, slimmer you! I call it the "Tight Pants Diet" (copyright pending).
Step one: Get out a pair of pants that are slightly snug. You know what I'm talking about -- that pair of pants you've been holding onto for when you finally lose that last 5 or 10 pounds. The ones you can actually put on but that pinch off your midsection, or just in general won't let you breathe comfortably.
Step two: Wear the pants.
Congratulations! Putting the plan into action was the hardest part. Now you can just sit back and watch those pounds melt away.
The Science Behind the Method
Wearing the tight pants does two things for you:
1. By contracting in on your stomach, the pants make you feel that you've just eaten a large meal. You won't want to eat anything because you'll think you already ate!
2. Even if you do get hungry, the way the pants painfully cinch around your waist and/or hips creates a very unattractive bulging of skin and fat. You will be too disgusted by your own appearance to eat anything but carrots and celery all day.
And it's just that easy! Call today and receive the complete "Tight Pants Diet" method for the low, low price of just three easy payments of $39.95! (Pants not included).
5 comments:
I threw those pants out a long time ago. I prefer pants with an elastic waste! :) BTW, you crack me up. I can't tell you how glad I am that ou are blogging. It's great to partake of your sense of humor from time to time....oh how I've missed it!!
(I'm just now editing waist...I thought it was pretty funny that I wrote it the way I did the first time.)
Sell it with a complimentary box of Twinkies, and you've got your first customer!
LOL! I love it!
What you really need with those pants is one of those super thin, form fitting cotton t-shirts to really emphasize the bulges in all the wrong places. That one seems to really work for me. For a day or so, that is. I've actually just recently thrown all those pants out. Man, yet another diet I can't seem to stick to... how depressing!
So here's my story for you: We're driving in the car yesterday and I'm listening to my trusty Ingrid Michaelson CD. It gets to "Die Alone" and Jack starts freaking out--"Mom! You need to answer your phone! Get the phone Mom! NOW!!" I was confused because I'd forgotten my phone at home, but realized that "Die Alone" is my ringtone and that was the song that was on! Now, whenever I log onto your blog, Jack says, "Your phone is ringing!"
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