Cereal and Road Rage

So, inspired by Peggy's latest post (which, by the way, is an extremely entertaining one. . . you should check it out) and her recent disparagement of my ability to post more often, I've decided to keep in tradition of almost all my other posts revolving around food and dedicate this one (at least in part) to what may possibly be the world's perfect food:

Yes, I'm talking about cold cereal. The reasons for its perfection are fourfold. 1) It is cold (thus its name) and makes milk taste good. 2) It can be eaten as a meal or a snack (just ask my 2-year-old [or her mother] during church). 3)It is relatively low in calories, so unless eaten by the boxful, you don't even have to feel guilty about eating it. At least, I don't usually feel guilty about it. 4) And this is maybe most important -- it is ready in mere seconds. You're walking through the kitchen late at night really craving a tasty snack to eat while you watch Arrested Development, but clearly you don't want to take the time or energy to make cookies (or run to the store for ice cream). You open the pantry, and BAM! There it is -- the answer to all your snack problems -- Cookie Crunch Cereal. Little cookies all ready for the eating in just the seconds it takes to pour them into your bowl.

And, as a subsection of reason #2, it can be eaten without milk. So if for some reason, someone (your spouse) has used up the last of the milk without telling you, and you've already poured said bowl of Cookie Crunch, you're still good to go. Those tiny cookies are just as happy to be eaten dry out of a cup.

There are rules, however, that must be followed when consuming cereal. Sugary cereal cannot be eaten for breakfast. It just can't. It's like eating donuts for breakfast. Sure, some of you may think that donuts were invented for that exact purpose, but you have been misled. Sugar that early in the morning will only make you sick. Okay, it makes me sick. And I really have no use for those gut-bloating breakfasts of pancakes, eggs, or waffles. Those sorts of meals were clearly meant to be for dinner (my husband may disagree, but I don't see him coming up with any ideas for dinner. And I know my dad has my back on this one).

So I really like those high-fiber bran flakey kind of cereals that I swore as a kid I would never eat when I got to live in my own house and buy my own cereal (Rice Krispies was about as sugary as it got in my house when I was growing up. I try not to rub that in to Ellis, though, whose "sugar cereal" consisted of cracked wheat.) Special K Red Berries is my personal favorite; although I love Total Bran Flakes, too. Weird, I know.

Now once you hit afternoon or evening, that's an entirely different matter. Especially if it's for a snack, then naturally, you need a good basic sugar cereal like Lucky Charms or Waffle Crisp cereal (have you tried that? It seriously tastes like waffles with butter and syrup. I don't know whose making that artificial flavoring, but all I have to say is, bravo.) This does complicate matters, however, when it comes to my children because they are not so discerning when it comes to the nutritious vs. sugar cereal choice in the mornings. The solution I have discovered? Hide the contraband sugar cereal. I really have no other options.

Best times in my house: when we eat cereal for dinner. (Did I mention it's ready immediately?) Hey, it's fortified with 12 essential vitamins, I'll have you know. Some days, it may just be the healthiest thing they eat.

Okay, and just a side commentary to the guy who was driving the Beef and Other Meats van this morning: was it really necessary to pull in front of me on the 215 on-ramp, then slam on your brakes, slow down to 30 mph, pull in front of me again when I moved into the other lane, and then yell obscenities at me and my virgin-eared children when I opted to go around you (okay, I may have also opted to use my freedom of speech/sound when I laid on the horn . . . ) Seriously, though, two bits of advice -- 1) If you're going to drive like a complete idiot and yell at potential customers (not that Beef and Other Meats from a van is as tempting as it may at first sound), maybe you should consider not doing it in the company van with your phone number listed in bold. 2)Do us a favor and consider getting some dental work done . . . just for those of us who have to see your chipped, gray/yellow teeth spitting flecks (of other meats?) on the window when you're cursing us as we drive by.